Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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