small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
