thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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