Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
