I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
