I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
