Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize