I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
