Pants 0. Shit 1.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
