But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
