tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
