WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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