bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
