I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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