I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
