I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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