For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
