Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize