Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i love accidental penises.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
