my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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