Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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