Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
