a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
