Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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