I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
