Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
