your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
