Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize