The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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