By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
