I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
