Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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