We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
