I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize