Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
