hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
