Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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