how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize