i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
