that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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