why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
