omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
