I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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