This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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