I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
