speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
