We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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