just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
