you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
