i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize