I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
