She said her name was "party"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize