South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
