I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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