Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
