girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize