Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
