worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
