If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
