I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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