I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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