I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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