so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
