She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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