I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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