Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
