you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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