She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
