There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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