Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
