her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
