and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
