you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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