So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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