i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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