nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
