as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize