You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
