I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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