So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
