He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
