Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
