how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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