I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
