a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
