I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
