I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
