Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
