Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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