Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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