He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
