I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
