I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Randomize
